Last updated: April 12, 2023

Who should choose your engagement ring?

Oval Cut Yellow Gold Engagement Rings

Should you choose your engagement ring, or let him surprise you?

Let’s face it; to choose your engagement ring is a HUGE decision. Not only will it be on your loved one’s finger forever (hopefully), but there’s nothing worse than seeing her face drop when she opens that small, but magical, box.

The goal is that she says ‘yes’ to you and ‘yes’ to the ring, but unless she chooses it, how can you know if she’s going to love it as much as she loves you?

We asked an online community of women their opinion on the engagement ring debate, and we were overwhelmed with responses.

In this article, we’re going to weigh up the pros and cons of letting her choose for herself.

Yes, let her choose your engagement ring

Several of the women we spoke to were keen to choose their own ring. For many, the decision to get married was a mutual one, not something to be sprung on one partner by the other.

Theoretically, you’re supposed to wear it for the rest of your life. Hell yes, you want a say in it.”
Stace Irving

“I absolutely want to choose my own – If I’m going to wear something forever, I want to like how it looks. I thought about this a lot when I was with my ex. I would have liked him to propose and then choose a ring together. I didn’t really want a surprise because that implies that the timing and the choice to get married is entirely in the man’s hands, and I’m not into that. But whatever other couples do is totally up to them of course.”
Lena Duffin (https://lenatalksbeauty.com/)

“There’s nothing worse than being stuck with a ring you don’t like, and let’s face it, most guys don’t pick ones that they like, they pick the one that they think the girl will like. In my situation, I would have no problem saying to my partner, ‘If you were ever to propose to me in the future, I would want this ring.”
“The proposal can still be a surprise, but I’d be happy to contribute to my ring, so that it’s one I really love – compared to one that fits his budget. After all, it will be mine, and I will be wearing it for a long time.”
Kat Wilson – https://kitschsnitch.blogspot.com.au/

No, let him choose your engagement ring

While many women want to choose their own ring, lots thought it was a terrible idea.

“My husband surprised me with a ring, and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I love that he went to the jeweller, had it designed and handmade for me, then hid it in the roof cavity for months until we were on holiday and he popped the question. I love that the ring is made with love and thought.”
Ashley Kerr

My fiancé had mine made, but I dropped a lot of hints about what I like, and he pretty much got it right.”
Melissa Tout

“I think it ruins the surprise if you pick your own. But I understand why women want to, because they can pick something they like.”
Sam Howard – https://www.thebusinessclassroom.com.au/

“My husband (15 years this anniversary!) researched diamonds, bought the best one he could afford and then went to a jeweller to have it set in a very classic solitaire, yellow gold setting – and it’s perfect. The first I knew of it was on the day he proposed. It was one of the most romantic things that anyone has ever done for me. The proposal itself was very low key and consisted of him simply asking me in the lounge room of my flat.”
Tania Pradun – https://seventiesbaby.blogspot.com/

The compromise

The majority of women we spoke to seem to think a compromise is the best idea – either giving advice, guidance or even a shortlist and letting your future fiancé make the final choice, or proposing with a ‘fake’ ring and then choosing the real thing together.

“I would be okay with my partner choosing my ring within my guidelines (e.g. ring colour / metal type / tone type). I’m the one wearing it the rest of my life, so I want something that reflects me and my style.”
Michaela Jade

“My husband researched them, narrowed it down to three he thought I would like, then took me along to make the final decision. I liked that. It meant we both had input but, given I have to wear it for the rest of my life, I got the final say.”
Rachel Godfrey – https://sewtodaycleantomorrow.blogspot.com.au/

The switcheroo

But what if she’s picking a ring for you? And what if she is proposing to you? Would you want to let her pick?

“I proposed to my (now) finance. We have both been married before, and I know it was something he was nervous about. I had never really had an opinion about women proposing, but the more I thought about it, the more perfect it seemed for us. So, I took him shopping looking for rings he liked (we had talked about getting married – I told him I was bored and wanted to play with diamonds!!!). I also asked his parents’ permission, which was incredibly scary. We went away to the Gold Coast for a night and at sunset went down to the beach – I got down on one knee and proposed!!”
Krystal Abbott – https://www.dailyfemme.com/

To choose or not to choose your engagement ring

It’s clear that opinions differ hugely when it comes to picking the right engagement ring. And we’re guessing that if you know your partner well enough to ask them to marry you, you probably already know if they’re in the ‘let me choose’ or ‘let you choose’ camp.

If you’re unsure about choosing the right ring, check out our how our Diamond Experts can help you make the right choice.

Diamondport would like to add that while we talk in this article about ‘he’ proposing to ‘she’, we know that ‘he’s’ also propose to ‘hes’, and ‘shes’ also propose to ‘shes’.

We recognise, rejoice and support love in all its forms.

Over to you.

Did you choose your own ring, or did you compromise? Do you think being involved ruins the surprise?

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